Life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want it to.
So what can we do to cope when we’re struggling with unmet expectations?
There is no user manual for life. No “Unmet Expectations 101” course to help us cope with dead ends and curveballs. And while that may not come as a surprise, it’s not always easy to accept. No matter what stage of life you find yourself in, you likely had expectations of what things would look like — from your home and family to your career path and finances. The truth is, things rarely turn out exactly as we imagined them.
This month we’ve teamed up with our friends at StyleBlueprint to talk about expectations, reality, and how to deal with disappointment.
Here’s a look inside the article:
“A lot of our internal angst and discomfort comes up when the natural flow of unpredictable life happens,” says Ryan Bloch-Snodgrass, Onsite Clinical Supervisor. “I have found that if we can identify what we can control and find agency in those spaces — while also accepting that there are many unpredictable things in life — it will free us from the belief systems that disrupt us.”
Ryan also offers that it’s helpful to consider where your expectations are coming from because the source can affect the depth of the impact. Are our expectations self-imposed, or do they come from our family, faith, work life, social media, or something else?
“Depending on the source, we can feel like we’re letting ourselves down — our community, family, friend group, society, etcetera,” says Ryan. “And depending on where that message is coming from and how much weight we give it, it can shape our view of ourselves, others, and the world. In turn, it can also impact how we experience our physical body. It can easily manifest in physical ailments.”
So what can we do? Here are eight simple strategies to help see you through.
8 Expert Tips for Coping With Unmet Expectations
- Make a list of things you can control. Making a list of things you can control gives you a tangible blueprint to continue returning to. For example, a few things you can control are how you react in any given situation, how much time you spend with certain people, how much sleep you get, and how you spend your resources (like money, time, and attention). Be honest with yourself, take control where you can, and avoid focusing on factors that are outside of your control.
- Reflect on the things that didn’t turn out as you expected. A different version of your story doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad or a failure. In fact, sometimes it turns out even better than you could have imagined! Think of a vision or dream that turned out differently than you thought it would. What good did that unexpected outcome bring?“I think we have the assumption that if the outcome of a situation doesn’t align with the vision we originally created, that it can’t also be good,” says Ryan. “Many times, when things have not gone how we thought they would, it’s actually led to something much better … We limit our joy when we don’t open ourselves up to the possibility of things turning out differently than we expected.”With that in mind, take the time to make a list of positive things that resulted from an unexpected turn of events It’s a good reminder that a change of plans doesn’t always have to be negative.