We’ve all been there. Feelings of frustration, anger, or hurt rise to the surface, and we feel we need to let it all out. Our insides feel warm and tight as if we’re about to burst. (So, you’ve got big feelings — congrats on being human!)
Big feelings aren’t bad, and venting feels good in the moment, giving us a rush of “relief.” But what’s the difference between venting and the more complex work of processing emotions? When a loved one has a problem, how can we be supportive without trying to fix their problems for them? Similarly, how can we engage our own emotions in a way that helps us move through them, rather than simply dumping them on a friend?
THIS MONTH, ONSITE TEAMED UP WITH OUR FRIENDS AT STYLE BLUEPRINT to explore five essential ways to show up as a supportive presence, without attempting to fix problems that don’t belong to you.
Here’s a sneak peek at what’s inside the article:
How to support a friend who needs to vent
Onsite Chairman and Proprietor Miles Adcox often says, “The people in our lives are not problems to be solved, but rather people to be engaged.” When people vent to us, we think they’re looking for a solution to their problems. But in reality, they want to be seen, heard, valued, empathized with, and validated. That’s the best gift we can give — it’s a permission slip that tells them they’re safe with us.
Here are five essential ways to show up as a supportive presence for loved ones in need:
See them: We feel most seen when someone gives us their undivided attention.
- Eliminate distractions and actively engage in the conversation.
- Ask what their anger or frustration might be covering up: sadness, grief, loss, anxiety, etc.
Hear them: There’s a difference between listening to someone and truly hearing them.
- Repeat back what you’re hearing.
- Ask questions rather than offer solutions.
- Help them make connections between the things they’re saying…